Verbal Steamrolling....

          One of my biggest faults as an adult living with ADD is that I interrupt conversations and I will talk over people if we are on a subject that excites me.

          I'm not sure if I had this problem as much when I was a kid.  I remember my mom and dad getting on to me from time to time for interrupting when I was a child, but as an adult I have gotten pretty bad at it.  My problem is that things fly in and out of my head so fast that usually when something important pops into my brain I have to get it out in the open right then or it will swim back down into the muddy waters of my mind to make room for whatever subject will pop to the surface next ...and if I'm excited about something (which isn't difficult for me as I am an optimist) I will be that much worse about it.  When I am in that state I resemble Steve Carell's squirrel character "Hammy" in the animated movie 'Over The Hedge'.

          I won't interrupt to burp my ABC's, but you get the picture.  My whole family saw me as Hammy when they watched this movie.

          One of the most important things I did when I first started dating my current girlfriend is to inform her that I have ADD.  I let her know that though many, many people think that ADD and ADHD are just a bad excuse for bad parents that have kids act up in class it is definitely real.  I warned her that I had a bad habit of interrupting and verbally running people over in a conversation, and that I was apologizing in advance and gave her permission to scold me when she catches me doing it.  I promised her it would not hurt my feelings to point out when I was being rude because most of the time I don't notice until after the fact, at which time I usually feel bad and apologize anyway.  I must have done something right, because it's been three years now and she has become an old pro at it.

          I also warned her that I am fidgety, and I tend to make noises without thinking, especially if I have something in my hands to play with.  A good example is my pocket knife.  I have carried a pocket knife with me everywhere for so long that I can't even remember not carrying one.  I use it on a daily basis at work for cutting open boxes or at home for various different tasks, and my girlfriend has used it to her advantage on several different occasions, such as when a friend or family member needs something cut when we are out of the house.  She will simply say "Steve, I need your knife.", because she knows it's always on me.  On the down-side of this, I have been turned away from entering places several times because I had my knife on me, so I had to run back to the car to lock it away, which always drives her nuts.  I even threw a good knife in the garbage once at a theme park because the car was simply too far away

....anyway - back to the original point -

When sitting around the house watching tv or reading or just daydreaming, I will (without thinking) pull out my pocket knife and start fiddling with it by opening and closing it, opening and closing it,  "snick", "clak", "snick", "clak", over and over and over.  I don't think about the sound.  I'm just keeping my hands busy, but I'm driving those around me nuts.  My girlfriend has been really good about it though.  She kindly asks me to stop when I do those types of things or she will place her hand over my hands so as not to embarrass me if we are in public, to which I will apologize and put the knife in my pocket.  She has actually put my fidgety behavior to good use.  Whenever we sit together on the couch to watch television and I start getting antsy, she will turn to the side and place her feet in my lap.  I will message her feet for her and it keeps my hands busy. Plus I don't mind doing it.  It feeds my restlessness, it makes her feel good, and to be honest it always makes me smile because I love to make her happy.  She is a hairdresser and is on her feet all day, while I work in an office and sit at a desk the majority of my work day.

          The one hindrance on our relationship that I believe is my fault, is that several of her friends don't care for me.  They are polite enough, but I don't get invited out with them much.  They usually hide my uninvitedness under "girls night out".  The ironic thing is that all of the friends that don't seem to care for me are also friends that are divorced and single.  I'm sure it's the easily excitable nature in me.  I believe they may see me as boisterous and possibly pompous because of the verbal steamrolling I sometimes do when I'm happy.  The fact that I am aware that I do it, and don't "seem" to be trying to control it probably makes me look arrogant.  Of course, the friends of hers that don't care for me have never said any of these things that I am aware of, but I am using educated guesses at this point.  I have lived with this condition my whole life, and I've seen friends come and go.  I have tried to change.  It's almost as if there is some sort of chemical imbalance that shuts down common courtesy for a split second after something strikes my interest.  I always apologize after the fact, but most people don't seem to understand.  They see it as someone intentionally throwing a drink in their face and then apologizing that their hair got wet.

          Living with ADD isn't easy.  As a kid people would chalk your "rude behavior" up to being a kid, but as an adult you come off as just rude.  These are a few of the things I deal with in my day to day life.
       

A.D.D and Puberty

          Living with ADD had drastic affects on my elementary school career and now that I was in Jr. High School it was about to get much worse.

          I took to Jr. High School life like a duck takes to wet cement.  Now instead of having one teacher to work with me I was going to have a multitude of teachers with little to no time for individual attention.  Each instructor teaching a different subject at roughly 45 minute intervals.  Looking back at it now it is obvious why kids with ADD and ADHD didn't do well after grade school in those days.  Not only did we have no special programs for kids like us, we now had 10X the distractions that we had in elementary school.  And as for me, I was now beginning to notice girls.  At that point I may never have paid attention again.

Before I go into detail on my educational problems I must add that never in my entire academic career was I ever removed from a class or sent to the principle's office for disruptive behavior.  I may have had trouble paying attention, but I never dragged any other classmates down with me by acting foolish.  The difference between ADD and ADHD is that ADD is more hyper-active in the mind and ADHD is hyper-active in the flesh.  While ADHD children will run you ragged, ADD children will daydream or draw entire worlds on a single sheet of paper.  Drawing was always my escape.

          With that said, I flunked the 7th grade and had to repeat it the following year.  I did my very best to buckle down and study during my second run in the 7th grade and half-way through the school year I was advanced up to the 8th grade as a reward, but I began to slip during the remainder of the year and was forced to repeat the 8th grade.  So I spent 1.5 years in the 7th grade and 1.5 years in the 8th grade.  I tried like mad to improve my grades during my second year as an 8th grader, but by the end of the year I was failing once again.  And once again I was moved on to the next grade by the simple fact that I was getting too old to remain in Jr. High School.  Though I was moved forward to high school I did not officially graduate from the Jr. High, which meant that I didn't walk in the graduation ceremony and I was banned from the class photo (the latter of which still bothers me today when old classmates post that old class photo on facebook and I'm not in it) ...and here is a piece of irony for you: The principle of the Jr. High I attended happened to be the "Special Educations" teacher from my elementary school who couldn't help me 2-years earlier

          By the time I hit high school I had lost all faith in schooling.  The High School teachers were much worse than the Jr. High school teachers, and of course my reputation as a bad student had preceded me to the High School given the fact that now there were starting Juniors at the school who had known me when we were class mates up until the 5th grade.  So the teachers already had me pegged as a bad seed and most treated me as such.  There were a few courses I excelled at, but getting A's in Drama, P.E. and Woodshop while getting F's in practically everything else wasn't going to get me that diploma.  The ironic thing about my high school career is that even though I had flunked 3 grades in my life and had been held back 2 full years, I was very strong in English studies and was placed in College Prep English my freshman year.  I was taking an advanced English class and a remedial Math class in the same semester, yet this fact never raised any red flags with any of the school staff.

          At the end of my Sophomore school year I was called into the counselors office and informed that I would not be accepted back into the high school the following year due to my poor grades, and if I wished to continue my education I would have to enroll in our local continuation school which had just opened that year.  By this time in my life I was already 16-years-old and had a drivers license, a car, and two part time jobs.  I decide to enroll in the continuation school thinking that it would be easier, but the following year I found myself in a make-shift "school" consisting of 4 mobile modular building set up in the parking lot of our city's school records building.  The teachers consisted of burned out staff that would spend their days reading novels and ignoring the students, while the students consisted of the real "bad kids" that I had been pegged as being one of.  There were teenage mothers, kids with drug problems, and all-around trouble makers.  I didn't fit in at this new school any more than I had fit in at the high school, so at 16-years of age I dropped out and started working full time as a carpenter for my uncle.

          Now I'm not blaming anyone for my educational failures because not a lot was known about ADD back in those days.  Everyone had simply ignored the diagnosis that was given to me when I was 11 and to this day my mother still says that she doesn't remember any of that.  All I will say on this issue is that in my heart of hearts I believe that my parents, my teachers, and the entire school system failed me.

          I don't know how the system works today with kids that have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, but I would imagine that it offers much more than it offered to me back then.  I believe that I could have done better had I worked with teachers that were familiar with my problem.

          On a redeeming note I will say that there was one teacher in my Jr. High, Mr. Bridges, that did his best to get through to me.  I don't think that he was ever made aware of my diagnosis, and at the time I didn't understand what it is that I have, and I never spoke of it with anyone.  Mr. Bridges gave one hell of a shot to get through to me, and I'll never forget him because of it.  Mr. Bridges wore many hats at my Jr. High.  He was the Drama teacher, Computer education teacher, and English Teacher, all of which I took with him.  As I mentioned earlier, I started my freshman year in College Prep English (thank you Mr. Bridges) and he instilled a love of drama and computers in me.

          So my advice for parents with kids that have ADD, or ADHD, or any of the other numerous attention deficit diagnosis' that are now in the medical books, is that your children are not stupid and your children are not lazy.  They need stimulation in their studies.  Make the lesson fun and your kids will pay better attention.  I can't guarantee that they won't glance out the window and see a dog or something that excites them, but a fun lesson will make it easier to draw them back, rather then trying to make them memorize flashcards.

          The classes that I excelled in were taught by teachers that knew how to interact with the class and made the lessons exciting.  If your local school isn't working out, try one of the Charter Schools.  I am telling you this so that your kid does not falls through the cracks or gets labeled as a bad student like they labeled me.

A Little About ADD / ADHD and Elementary School

          This blog will be my attempt to make sense of Attention Deficit Disorder.  I have creating this blog to help parents understand their children if they have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.  This blog is also for those adults out there like me that have ADD and have dealt with it our whole lives. Or perhaps you or your child were never diagnosed, but want to learn a little about the disorder from someone who lives with it.

          I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 11-years-old.  At the time it was believed that I had a learning disability.  Every teacher that had been responsible for me had wanted to hold me back at the end of each school year.  This started in kindergarten and was repeated every year until I reached the 5th grade.  Back then it was up to the parents to decide if they wanted their child held back or not.  My parents continued to force me along.  At the end of my 5th grade year my parents were finally convinced to hold me back to repeat the 5th grade.  The elementary school I attended was starting a new program the following school year with a new teacher that specialized in children with special needs. The school staff figured I could take advantage of the new program for a full two years before moving on to Jr. High School.

          The following year I started the fifth grade for my second round.  This time I had a new teacher and a new program that pulled me from my classroom for several hours each day to "work" with the schools new special needs teacher.  I only got to participate in the new program for a week before they realized that I didn't have a learning disability.  Though I may have had trouble paying attention in class, and I consistently failed at taking tests, when I was verbally tested by the new special needs teacher he discovered that I had retained everything that had been taught since kindergarten and that I was on-par educationally with the other 5th graders.  I also had a higher reading skill than most of the other students.  After that discovery I was dropped from the special needs class and sent to see a specialist.  I was tested with all sorts quizzes, which to this day I remember fondly and enjoyed participating in.  My parents were told that I didn't have a learning disability, in fact I had an above average IQ.  That is when they diagnosed me with Attention Deficit Disorder.  Not much was known about A.D.D. in 1979, so there was not a whole lot that could be done.  My parents refused to let them put me on experimental drugs (which I am thankful for to this day).  One doctor suggested that I wear blinders in the class room, like those of a horse.

          Luckily, my dad shot that idea down too.  I already had it tough enough in grade school.  Being such an excitable child made me an easy target for the other kids to bully.  I was usually the last to be picked for games and the first to be picked-on for being weird. I only had a few friends during my elementary school years.

          As luck would have it, my second go-around in the fifth grade found me in the classroom of a patient and kind, grandmotherly teacher who was very animated and made learning fun.  I excelled in her class and for the first time in my life moved along to the next grade on my own accord.  Luck didn't follow me however, and I ended up the following year with a male teacher that believed structure and discipline was the answer to everything.  I failed his class miserably, spent the entire school year sitting on the fence next to the office during recess (I didn't deserve a recess according to him), and was passed along to Jr. High on the soul factor that I was now too old to remain in grade school.

          The medical community labeled it Attention Deficit Disorder, but I don't believe that is a proper term.  A deficit is a lack of something and I am definitely not lacking attention.  I believe it should have been called Hyper-Attention Disorder, because everything attracts our attention ...and it's even worse if it is something we find exciting, such as.... Squirrel!

          When we were little we enjoyed learning new things.  I am speaking for all of us here, not just those with ADD/ADHD.  Children enjoy learning.  It's fun and exciting.  The problem with having ADD/ADHD as a child is that learning is fun and exciting.  For example, today perhaps we are learning to read.  Reading thrilled me when I learned to sound out letters to make words, but yesterday we were finger painting and I discovered that I really enjoyed painting. Boy! That was fun.  After school my dad taught me to ride a bike and that was great!  I'm going to do that again right after school today.  Oh wait!  I'm learning to read.  I can't wait to tell my mom that I'm learning to read.  Maybe she'll make me a treat when I tell her and I can eat my treat in front of the television while I'm watching Spider-man.  Spider-man is my favorite cartoon and I sure wish I could be like him.  I'm going to dress like Spider-man for Halloween this year and..... oh wait!  I'm trying to read....

          Imagine you are watching tv and every single one of your favorite movies and shows are all running at the exact same time and you can't decide which one to watch.  Now imagine that every 10 to 15 seconds the channel changes without your approval.  That is sort of what it is like living with ADD.  It's not that we can't pay attention, it's that so many things are fighting for our attention that we can't decide which to turn to.  The fact remains that the most exciting will get the attention, and when you are little and learning new things daily.... everything is exciting.

Coming up..... ADD/ADHD and puberty